So, whose efficiency are we working on, anyway?

It's been a loooong week. I really mean a looooong week. I've done a lot of sitting around waiting for things to happen this week. And, as I am wont to do when forced to "cool my heels" (as my father would've characterized the situation), I've been thinking about things that would normally go unnoticed.

Those of you who know me well understand I've spent a good deal of time in airports over the last 20 or so years. Delta Airlines, my current carrier of choice, has been so kind as to log my last 20 years of actual flight miles with them. If you believe their math (read on, my friends...) I've logged almost 800,000 miles with them since 1991. This doesn't cound a large number of miles I've flown on Southwest, USAirways (and their former incarnation America West), American, Continental, United, blah blah blah blah blah... If it flies in the US, I've probably flattened a seat cushion on it.

As I spent another two hours in Detroit last Sunday night awaiting my departure to Boston, it occurred to me how the airlines have struggled financially in the last 20+ years, and how their push for efficiency has meant that I am so much less efficient.

The logic is simple enough - if I cut down on frills, minimize cost, and work to generally make air travel more like riding the Greyhound, I'll make money sooner, allowing me to steal volume business from other carriers when I force them into an unholy price war that ultimately ends up slashing the price of all fares and the margins of all carriers. They wouldn't be foolish enough to sell at a price below their break even - so I can make money when they refuse to match the new fares. I can hear it in the board room now - "this fare will kill the other guys - they can't match this price, it'll bankrupt them".

Great logic - except the other carriers ALWAYS match the other fares. The plane flies to that destination regardless of the passenger load, so some revenue beats no revenue.

This is not a newsflash. Southwest has proven they can turn a plane in 30 minutes. Other airlines (Delta, most notably) have discovered that taking the gates closest to the runways, they save fuel and time taxi-ing. Efficiency is the rule here, folks. Automated systems announce flight delays, airport security is centralized so promote the efficiency and reduce CAPX spending.

The only inefficient person left is me, the traveller.

In 1991, when I began flying, arriving at the airport 30 minutes in front of the posted take-off time was sufficient. You walked through the doors and onto the plane. They actually kept the door open until the posted take-off time (and on occasion would open it back up if you yelled down the hall from less that 200 yards away). There was no airport security and TSA - your family could walk you to the gate to say goodbye (and meet you there upon return - the source of rants at the time. Get away from the door once you've disembarked - there are more of us behind you!! - but I digress). If you were at the airport 60 minutes before a flight, it's because you wanted to eat.

Now, it's standard operating procedure to arrive 90 to 120 minutes before your flight. The airline closes the door 10 minutes prior to departure and the automated system gives your seat away 20 minutes prior, if you haven't "checked in". Our friends at the TSA can cost you 30 to 45 minutes in "security screening" as you strip down to your skivvies. We screen you to insure that you're not one of the terrorists - for which you have better odds buying a winning lottery ticket than standing next to in an airport security line. Our ultimate concern about security also means that we've moved parking, car rental and baggage claim farther and farther from the gate. For most of east cost and midwest travel, it's often quicker to drive to your destination than to fly now.

Let's not begin the conversation about seat pitch as a surrogate for leg room. We're more efficient in putting sardines inside the can, too... And some airlines (who shall remain nameless) think they can extort yet another $50 out of me because my knees are only crushed when the soul in front of me decides to exert his god-given right to recline fully instead of when I wedge myself into the aisle upon embarkation.

We thought we'd be more efficient in loading the cattle car - we've minimized the number of carry-ons one is allowed to bring. Then we saw a revenue opportunity so we charged anyone actually bringing luggage to be checked $25 a bag, too. As if the 45 minute wait in baggage claim (where the efficient conveyor belts and baggage handling staff carefully protect my lifetime-guaranteed luggage like Hitler protected Poland) wasn't payment enough.

Then there's the gate agents - and the jetway operators, who in Detroit hold competitions to see how long one can leave a full plane arriving at the gate without opening the door "because they don't know how to operate the jetway" or because they're "afraid of damaging the plane by hitting it with the jetway." Truth be told, someone has to wake them up from their job-induced coma to remind them that they are supposed to open the doors so people can get out. The later the arrival from schedule, the higher the probability of being held captive by an inconsiderate ground crew. We've leaned them out, too. Two agents cover 5 gates, because there's no reason to have a gate agent present any more than 45 minutes prior a posted take-off time.

But we can't forget the efficiency of the air traffic control system. Landing on time is an anomaly - reserved for the first flights of the day. The FAA and airlines complain it's the exponential growth of private aircraft traffic that has flooded the skies. After all, why would companies and wealthy individuals choose to fly private air services instead of wasting days in airports, clearing security, fighting about the size of my toothpaste container with people who won't be in that job 6 months from now. Given the option, I'd fly private too (and do, when the opportunity avails itself).

The airlines, airports and air transportation networks are all very efficient - and have completely forgotten the customer. They underlying assumption is that I want a cheap flight and would be willing to ride in a coffin if the fare was cheap enough.

Sooo... what if there was an airline that saw my efficiency (that of the end user) as paramount in the discussion. What if this airline invested in dedicated security lines for their customers, chose the gates closest to the entrance and exits, minimized boarding and deplaning times, had your luggage waiting for you once you hit baggage claim and generally prided themselves on getting you in and out of the airport faster than the competition. It's an intriguing thought. The new metric becomes how much did you pay AND how long did you spend getting there. I'm not ignoring creature comforts - I'm a firm believer in a comfortable seat, legroom, the occasional soft drink or meal. I want the airlines to see my time as just as valuable as theirs. It's a lot to ask.

Rain still falls and acts of God are just that. Transportation is highly variable on its' best days. But I've flown enough to know that we've lost the understanding about why we fly - it's supposed to get us there faster. That's the value. In these days of instant messaging, video conferencing (oops, telepresence...) e-mail, VOIP, I could go on... the airlines have been selling us the story that nothing beats being there. It's why you fly. But if I don't get there, or don't get there at my best, have I gained anything?

Southwest, the most profitable commercial airline in the US today is no better than United in this matter (and United is, in my humble opinion, the latrine of airline performance and customer service). It's all about them. I'm merely the schmuck, the revenue, the seat mile that justifies the business. It's time to rethink the airline value proposition. Those who learn this first will be the real winners in this "new economy".

February Malaise

It's still winter. Still. For some reason winter seems to be dragging its' feet this year. Every weekend brings a few more inches of the white stuff. I have to jump on removing it or it makes more of a mess.

Growing up in Florida, I have found no earthly use for snow. I recognize the role it plays in the ecological cycle. It's important. I know that. Why for the life of me I've chosen to live in a place where it seems to be so prevalent for such anextended period of time is still a mystery to me. There are a lot of other (great) reasons to be where I am right now. The weather is not one of them.

I'm finally tackling the compilation of my vast CD collection onto my iPod. When I bought my new computer last year, I purposely oversized the hard drive with the intention of doing this. The quad processors (geek talk for fast) have substantially accelerated the time it takes to load up the discs onto my machine. I've gone so far as to include my wife's CD collection (which is eerily similar to mine, with some notable exceptions). In my mind, this little grey gadget now insures that we always have every song in our collective libraries available to us, as long as I remember to bring it along.

Mind you, I rarely listen to my iPod unless I'm traveling on a plane. In my car, I have Satellite radio and good old AM/FM talk radio. My GPS has traffic avoidance detection, so I don't need to listen to traffic and weather, but I still do. Sometimes I'll listen to CNBC on the satellite feed or public radio on the drive into work. It's rare that I listen to music. Which is odd, considering I have almost 1200 albums in my personal collection. I love music. I love to sing and play and I appreciate good music. Sometimes I think it's a tribute to my mis-spent youth - and spent is the key word.

I had dinner last night with old friends - colleagues from my first days of working for my current employer (back in 1991 - eek, where has my childhood gone?). These were the people who first inspired me, taught me the ropes and gave me a chance to learn what they know. I deeply respect them and think of them often. They are the people I try to emulate. They remind me who I want to be and how I want to be remembered.

Wow. Did they all get old! We shared stories and memories. We caught up on family. I wished dearly that my wife could've come. I talk about these people regularly to her. OK, admittedly I wanted to show off a bit, too. As much as I enjoyed the dinner and conversation, I left a bit sad. Too many of them were bitter and felt bad - either about their departure or their legacy (or lack thereof). Their memories were grounded in the good memories, but dripping with the bad. I've heard for years that the only way to leave the organization is in a pine box. Know I know why.

The holiday season...

...is upon us again. Wow, where did the year go. It seems like just yesterday I was watching the fireworks over Paris on the television and ushering in the new millenium (well, not really, but don't be such a detail freak). It'll be nine years ago in a little over a month. Yikes. Have I been the change I want to see in my world?

I'm home this weekend. It wasn't planned, but it is appreciated. I love seeing my extended family, but for some reason, I've felt more strain than normal these last few months. Trying to balance work and family, the have-tos and the want-tos, and the rest of the dross of life takes more of a toll on me than it used to. Unplanned time to be home is a true luxury now.

The reason we're home is not a good one, though. Laura caughed one to many times on Friday morning and has fractured a rib. It's very painful - and she has a HIGH tolerance for pain (insert tasteless husband-bashing one-liner here...). She seems to be recovering, but it could be 6 weeks or more before she's back on top of things.

It's especially hard on her. She loves Thanksgiving and Black Friday and the annual lunch at the local greasy spoon. To not be able to go Friday was almost as painful as the fracture. She's a trooper, though. If she can get some sleep over the next three days, she'll feel much more like herself.

That leaves the rest of the tasks for me. I like them, frankly. I lived alone for 35 years - dishes and cooking and laundry are not foreign to me. They aren't a grind, yet. With my daughter at my side, we tackle the tasks with gusto (she'll undo what I do almost as fast as I do it). It's great bonding time.

Well, break's over. My hope is that somewhere in the business you find a few moments to reflect on the season. May the memories of Christmases past and the hope of the future cause you to stop, catch your breath and become the change you want to see in your world.

The Happiest Place on Earth?

We're back from Walt Disney World - the pentultimate in marketing. I had a bit of a different experience this time, as I attended a conference while Laura, Abbye and my mother went to the parks.

For some reason, this trip found me much more critical of the Mouse than I have been in the past. Maybe it's the economy. Maybe it's the challenge of having a 15 month old child. Maybe it's because I "worked" all week. In any event, it wasn't quite the magic it's been on previous visits.

Not any surprise to you, dear reader, but Disney is expensive. Damned expensive. The mouse keeps you on sight and proceeds to lock you into a pricing scheme. Let me give credit where credit is due - if you're on a budget, you can pull off the trip, but you are VERY aware of what you've given up. There is a plan for every budget, but not every plan is equal, mind you. The killer for me was the $2.50 16 oz. sodas in the vending machines (which take your plastic...). For $12.95, you can mule around a mug that allows you to refill for free (it's a 12 oz. cup - another personal pet peeve).

We stayed at the Contemporary - err... an annex to the Contemporary hotel. It was nicely decorated and showed care, but:

• Towels were replaced as requested
• In a week, the beds were remade, but the sheets never changed
• All the lighitng was CFL/energy saving - translation: VERY DIM room
• The bathroom had beautiful dual sinks with no counterspace, fans on motion sensors and sliding doors with opaque glass
• There was a fold out sofa, but no seating area- I'd really prefer a table in the room
• The desk (mounted to the wall) was dominated by the Disney "in-room concierge" - a laptop and screen that pushed more Disney messages at you
• Unless you used the in-room concierge, internet access was $9.95 a day
• It was a 1o minute walk from the room to the lobby or conference facilties - outdoors

Ok, you say, but you were on the discounted conference room rate, right? Yes... but at $225 a night, I expected a bit more. I definitely wouldn't have paid $300 a night (the off-season "rack rate") to stay in this room.

Now, if I'd been here to do the park thing, well - I'd have had different expectations. But this is billed as the conference hotel. Having limited business traveller amenities definitely makes me question whether or not I want to attend another conference here.

Disney does so much right - I'm very disappointed that this felt so wrong.

Home from the Hospital

Ok, so it wasn't the ending to the weekend I'd planned. Not hardly. It was just supposed to be a birthday celebration for my sister-in-law with the rest of the family. Dinner, cake, gifts - you know the drill.

As we sat down to eat I was beginning to feel poorly. That "oh, geez, not the stomach flu" kind of feeling. "I'll take it easy, not eat too much and do my best to make it through to the end of the night." Or so I though.

My wife tells me that I become pretty lethargic through dinner. I wouldn't hold up my end of the conversation with my nephew. I didn't go back for a burger, the hot dog was sufficient. I was a little too quick to watch my daughter in the living room while others conversed in the kitchen. I'm sure, had things gone differently, we'd discuss this on the trip home.

Later into the evening, I returned from the bathroom and joined the family in the living room. I wasn't feeling great and was suddenly overcome with nausea. I told my wife it was time to pack up. She could see I wasn't feeling well by now. Deathly afraid of reviewing my day's dietary decisions in the living room, I got up quickly and headed for the bathroom. I almost made it. Almost.

I hit the floor right after crossing the threshold into the bathroom. Okay, I'm a home building guy - I use the lingo. I was down long enough for the rest of the family to investigate what had to be the sickening thud of my overweight frame landing without caution on the floor of the early 1900's home. My brother-in-law was there first.

I'll spare you some of the details - it wasn't my best moment. No cuts, bruises or gashes. No major damage to property. Left to my own devices, we'd have called it a night, gone home and I'd have crawled into bed after a shower and a Vernors.

Not with my wife, though. The paramedics (who called them?) were on the scene 2 minutes after the town policeman (yep, I said man, singular...). They checked my vitals. Offered me a ride to the hospital of my choice, within limits. "Nah, I'm fine". Not to be. They let me clean up a bit and then we were off.

I walked down the house steps to the gurney - just for the record.

The ride to the hospital was almost entertaining. 20 questions. I cracked jokes and asked questions. They didn't believe I wasn't in medicine ("you know the lingo..."). Sorry, just an engineer ("...figures"). This would be a quick, yet expensive trip to the ER. Better safe than sorry.

We're pulling into the hosptial. The EMS team is taking off the monitor leads. They want to get back, too...

"Hey, guys... how about putting me back on the equipment. It's happening again." Literally. As we're pulling in the parking lot. I'm blacking out. Wait, maybe this isn't what I thought it was.

The cool thing about passing out is that moment where all you want to do is sleep. You give up. It's like fighting general anesthesia. You know you're going to lose, so why fight it. Sleep sounds great. How come they keep asking me if I'm still with them. They won't let me sleep until I answer them. Hey - this defeats the purpose doesn't it?

I'd have given them grief about it, except everyone looked so serious. Once I was in the building and in a room, I began to wonder. They were cutting my shirt off (if you'd wait a second, i'll just slip it over my head. I kinda like this one...). I'm OK, just give me a minute to catch my breath.

I didn't have the 'life flash before my eyes' moment. I don't think I ever was close to that, frankly. I'm sure the ER staff is trained to look for the worst and de-escalate from there. I was a 38 year old who could be having the big one... I'm coming, Elizabeth...

Nope. Still here.

I'm sure glad.

Abbye needs her daddy. Laura needs her husband (most days). I still need to hang the drapes in Laura's office. And make the bed. And put away my clean clothes. Thank god I'd finshed the laundry.

Checkout time isn't 'til 11:00am and I'm making housekeeping wait. There's a lot in this world that needs fixing, and I can't do that anywhere else but here.

I could bore you for hours with the rest of the tale. I will, in subsequent posts, I guess. I learned a lot. Everything happens for a reason. I'm sure this did too. It's sufficient to say that after two days in the hospital (breaking a 35 year run of no overnight stays in the hospital...) I'm home. No heart trouble, no bleeding colon. No cancer, blood clots, diabetes (sorry to all of you who had that in the pool) or brain tumors.

Just me. Home with the family. A whole lot wiser, more humble, ready to take on the world. And really grateful.

Random Ramblings

OK, so I'm finally biting the bullet and starting a blog. I'm not quite sure who'd waste some portion of their day reading my meaningless thoughts about nothing in particular (wow, this is starting to sound like the initial concept for Seinfeld). I am convinced though, that I could use the opprotunity to climb up on a soapbox now and again to vent and save everyone the time and energy of listenting to me rant about nothing in particular.

After all, opinions are like bellybuttons, right - everybody has one and they start to stink if they're not aired every once in a while.

Add your comments, if it helps you. I try to be open, so I'd ask you to be the same.

Okay, so here goes nothing...